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help me God, suicide, the suicidal, help, facts, prevention, your problems, survivor’s guilt, survivor stories, and the loss of a loved one — as well as info for anyone thinking about suicide, suicde.Welcome to our search engine which includes helps, statistics, and hope concerning suicide and the suicidal. You will find facts, survivor stories, suicide prevention tips as well as answers to your survivor’s guilt after the loss of a loved one. You will also find helps and info if you are thinking about suicide.

Be sure to use our powerful search tool at the upper right hand  corner of this page to search our many topics and resources.  You can also check out our arcticle categories on the upper, white tool bar or on the lower right side of this page.  You can also scroll down to see a sampling or our articles.

If you are contemplating suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). We will try to answer comments, but if you need a timely response, please call the phone number above.  (Also, see our disclaimer.)

Forgiving Yourself for Words to a Suicidal Friend

By K. O.:

 It can be terribly difficult to forgive yourself for words you said to a suicidal friend–words you can’t take back. Here’s some helpful advice.

 

man sitting on the grass from mf

Image by Darnok

A friend of mine who I’ll call Skip confided in me that he had a hard time forgiving himself for words he said in haste that he now can’t take back.

A co-worker of his that he referred to as Brad continually expressed his desire to kill himself. Brad was unhappy in love and had problems at work and seemed unable to heal from depression and self-hatred.

Again and again, Brad told Skip, “I’m gonna do it. I will. Life is one big pit.”

Skip got sick of listening to Brad. They could never have a decent discussion about sports or women or politics. Brad was a one-line conversationalist. After repeated incidents, Skip blew up one day. “If you’re so committed to suicide,” he told Brad, “go ahead and do it, bro. I’m sick of listening to you. All you do is talk. In fact, I dare you.”

Skip went home that day and was immediately seized with guilt. How could he have lost control so easily? Didn’t he realize that his friend was emotionally ill and needed support, not cruel words? Skip called Brad a few times after that to apologize and invite him out for sushi, but Brad never returned his calls.

A month later Skip got the news. Brad had hung himself in the bathroom of his apartment. Skip felt responsible. If only he had kept his mouth shut. He knew Brad’s suicide wasn’t his fault. We each make decisions for our own lives. But still, if only he had helped Brad instead of baiting him. If you face a similar situation here is some helpful advice (condensed) from www.bandbacktogether.com.

  1. You will probably feel that you could’ve done something more to prevent the suicide, but that’s not the case. You cannot assume responsibility for the actions of another. PERIOD.
  2. Forgive yourself. The suicide is not your fault.
  3. Talk to a photo of the victim. It may help to articulate the things you’d wished you could say to the person and to apologize for what you did say.
  4. If your feelings of guilt are prolonged, seek professional help.
  5. Let the anger out. Chop wood. Scream. Hit a punching bag. Punch a pillow.
  6. Take your grief one day, one second, one moment at a time. You didn’t have a choice or any control over the suicide, but you DO have the choice to live through the aftermath. Choose to live.

And most important, ask God to help you forgive yourself for the words you can’t take back.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (I John 1:9 the Bible).

 

 

Guilt in Survivors After Suicide of a Loved One

By Deborah Lovett:

Left Behind: Do you feel guilt after the loss of a loved one to suicide?

Guilt in Survivors after Suicide of a Loved One

 

After my sister took her own life, the worst thing I had to deal with, besides the grief of losing my best friend, was the guilt I felt. If you are contemplating or thinking about suicide, you should read this article so you know what the aftershocks are to people you love, and who love you, whether you know they do or not.

If you have had someone in your life who has taken his or her own life and you are dealing with the survivors’ guilt, then read on.

The Bible says that the enemy comes to steal, lie and destroy. That is his only plan. He will do whatever it takes, and he is ruthless at it. If he succeeds at targeting a certain person into destroying their own life, his next plan is to succeed at their family through what is called “survivors guilt.” Suicides are “clustered” in a family for this very reason. Therefore, it is important to know and be informed in order to prevent the enemy from taking any more lives than he already has. The saying, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,” is correct.

The thing with survivors’ guilt is this: We are each responsible for ourselves to God. Yes, we are to help one another. So yes, there might have been something else you could have done or said, but you are not responsible for the outcome of someone else’s life. That is why we need a Savior. Jesus is the One who saves. Also remember, you can only give a person as much help as they are willing to accept.

I helped my sister by driving her around, praying with her, advising her, giving her money, giving her furniture to start a new life, praying for her, and loving her. Yet, after her death, I felt like I should have done more, I missed something, it was my fault, or in a word: guilty. Why? Because it is the devil’s plan. Again, he is strategic and he is relentless, he will use whatever ammunition you give him.

The great thing about the Holy Spirit is He is relentless too. He will come to comfort you and give you wisdom and guidance if you are walking in step with Him.

He brought me a verse after my sister’s death when I was dealing with the feelings of guilt that were both agonizing and completely paralyzing. The verse is found in 2 Corinthians 7:10 and it says:

 “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.”

I knew that my sister had a worldly sorrow that had brought death, and that I needed a Godly sorrow, a repentance for whatever I thought, felt or knew I had done or not done in regards to her death in order to find freedom. Jesus Christ died for our sins, past, present and future, those we did, think we did, or have been condemned by others into believing we did.

Christ has risen. We can have a new life with Christ that frees us from being someone else’s savior, including our own. We truly can celebrate resurrection and renewal every day of our lives!

If you are contemplating or thinking about suicide today, or have survivor’s guilt, remember why Jesus came: to save us from our sins, and to bring a true freedom from sin~ so that we can LIVE!

For help with guilt in survivors after suicide of a loved one, click here to read this free online book (PDF format):  SOS: A Handbook for Survivors of Suicide, by Jeffrey Jackson at suicidology.org.