Blindness and Thoughts of Suicide

By Janet Perez Eckles

He turns your thoughts of suicide to a song.

“I hate my life,” I cried out to God.“ I sobbed. “I don’t deserve to be blind. Why me?”

My clamors to God filled my sleepless nights. I was only 31; my sons at the time were 3, 5 and 7. They needed me and I needed someone to help me deal with my intense fear and anguish.

Doctors didn’t have a cure, treatments didn’t work, and even those painful acupuncture needles around my eyes didn’t help. I was desperate and would tried anything so I could to regain my eyesight.

“Are you okay, honey?” my mom asked.

“I’m fine,” I lied. The retinal disease I inherited from my father wasn’t anyone’s fault. But accepting my blindness was beyond me.

Some have thoughts of suicide, others turn angry and I was sinking in self-pity.

Then a friend invited me to her Christian church. I heaved a long sigh of hope. And thought I’d try to see if that secret miracle I longed for would be waiting for me there. But sadly, there was no miracle, no healing. But one day, unexpectedly, like a warm injection to my soul, a verse filled me:

 “Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew 6:33.

I committed to make Him first. Regaining my sight came second. I drew closer to Him, and farther from my pain. My despair subsided. I believed in that promise. I put aside my anguish and invited His strength.

Eventually, step by step he changed those thoughts of suicide I could’ve had to a song as you can see in the YouTube video below:

My new song plays a melody of hope, a marked beat of His reassurance and, a symphony   of joy for my soul.