For Those Considering Suicide

For Those Considering Suicide

 Excerpt from Too Soon to Say Goodbye: Healing and Hope for Suicide Victims and Survivors; used with permission by New Hope Publishers.

By Susan Osborn:

I would like those considering suicide to stop for a moment and think of those who would be left behind. I know many of us go through very dark times, some contemplating suicide as a way to end it all.

King David expresses his pain during a dark moment in Psalm 31:9 “Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief.”

Charlie R. Brown wrote a beautiful poem (and prayer) that shows the emotional turmoil of the loved ones left behind when someone moves from considering suicide to accomplishing suicide.

For Those Left Behind

by Charles R. Brown

 

Death comes veiled in tragedy’s mask

even when we anticipate an aged patriarch’s passing.

But the loss is magnified

when a friend or loved one gives up

and pushes the button to escape the suffering.

 

At times like this

we sit and stare at the floor.

How, dear God, should we pray?

Our hearts ache. Our minds are crammed with why.

Sleep seems to come only with restless exhaustion.

 

But you, Lord, know start to finish.

Somehow let us find recreation in your completeness.

As we cherish good memories

remind us to intercede often for the children,

the friends, and the family that must continue the journey here.

 

We ask, too, that you would bring

refreshment from this bitter drink.

Bathe the grieving with words from you,

words of comfort and hope.

 

Through this unwanted stealing away,

bring the abundance of your sufficiency.

We pray this for your glory

in the name of our Savior.

 

Amen

 

See other stories in our site category, Surviving the Loss of a Loved One .

Grief and Anger: Thinking About Suicide

By Dianne E. Butts:

 Grief with Anger: Lesson 3 in 10 Things I’ve Learned About Grief.

 

Sometimes when we feel angry, we want to hurt other people by hurting ourselves. When grieving, some left behind after the loss of a loved one even think silently– and may feel like screaming at the top of their lungs– “I’m angry and thinking about suicide!

I’ve learned some lessons about grief: #1: Grief Plus Exhaustion May Increase Suicidal Thoughts  and #2:  Grief and Guilt with Suicidal Thoughts? Ask for Help.  The third thing I’ve learned about grief is this:

#3: It’s okay to feel both grief and anger.  Some people may feel anger towards those who caused the death of their loved one—the drunk driver, the terrorists, etc. Others may feel anger towards the illness, like cancer.  Some even feel angry with their loved one for leaving them alone, for making them face the future without them, for dying. Still others are angry at themselves for that last argument or forgetting to say, “I love you.”

Some people become angry with God.

These feelings are natural and are not wrong. Anger is not sin (see Ephesians 4:26), but what we do with it can be wrong.  Revenge is never right, and harboring anger in our hearts will lead to emotional, spiritual, and even physical problems. Instead of remaining angry, why not find a wholesome way to “vent” or express your strong feelings?

Here are some ideas:

  • Expressing strong emotions through words is surprisingly helpful. Talk to a friend, a family member, or a counselor.
  • Join an organization, such as one that fights drunk driving.
  • Look for ways to help our nation in difficult times. Volunteer.
  • Raise money for cancer research.
  • Write your deceased loved one a letter telling him how you feel, how much you love him, or whatever you didn’t say.
  • Visit her room or grave site and talk to her out loud.
  • Talk to God. Be honest. Tell Him how angry you are at Him, but don’t stop there. Ask Him to help you work through all your feelings.

When we are sad, when things are not going well in our lives, or when we are angry, we can feel far away from God. In an article I wrote titled “When You Feel Far Away From God,” I wrote this:

“How many times have I felt so close to God one day, but so far from Him the next? I wondered… Why does God feel far away just when I need Him most—when I’m in difficult circumstances or when my situation looks hopelessly impossible?

“I never intend to move away from God, especially in tough times. Yet sometimes He feels so far away. What has happened?”

In that article you can read what I wrote about how our feelings can deceive us. Just because we feel God is far away doesn’t mean that He is far away.

He is close enough to feel your pain and know your thoughts, even when your heart is crying out “I’m angry and thinking about suicide!”

Video:  If you’re feeling both grief and anger, God knows and He cares. Listen to the wonderful words of this Country Western song “God In Heaven Knows” by The New Hinsons:

 

Help When a Loved One Has Died: Depression in Funeral Planning

By Liz Cowen Furman:

 Feeling grief and depression while funeral planning when a loved one has died?

 

As a writer, I am keenly aware that most of the people reading this will have recently experienced a profound loss. Let me first say I am so sorry for your loss. Times of loss have been some of the greatest tests of my faith. If  depression after the loss of a loved one has you thinking about suicide, please read on.

Remember that whatever you are feeling is exactly what you are supposed to be feeling. Nothing surprises GOD. No expression of pain, anger or despair you could muster is bigger than He can handle. So be honest with the One who has the power to heal your broken heart. Tell Him how you feel. Give Him permission to come in and heal what is broken and restore your heart to a healthy place once again.

Expressions of the grieving process are as varied as the people who are hurting. I encourage you to not let any person tell you how you should feel, even if you are thinking about suicide. Just know that although losing someone we love is painful, I discovered it won’t kill us.

Get help if you are having suicidal thoughts. (1-800-273-8255 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline).

Be patient with yourself. Take time to process the pain your heart is experiencing. That pain sometimes even manifests itself in the physical. Don’t rush the process. After experiencing significant loss it can take a couple years before you start to feel “normal.” Depending on the loss you may never go back to “normal” but you will heal and live in your “new normal.”

Even though you may be thinking about suicide now, if you can hold on and not let yourself go there, eventually you can find beauty from the ashes that currently haunt you.

If you can get outside in the sunshine, go for a walk, get some fresh air, even if you have to force yourself out the door the first time. Getting out into the light and moving can really help; has been proven to help, according to an article at health.harvard.edu. on exercise and depression.

For more suggestions of things that may help, read the grief chapters in my book How to Plan a Funeral and Other Things You Need to Know When a Loved One Dies While writing it I experienced more than one significant loss and did two years of research on the grieving process. I found many great books and ideas of things to do that helped me in my grief, many are included in the book.

Jesus said, Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.  Matthew 11:28, NASB Bible.

In a time of grieving it is His strength that can see us through. Check out this song that so aptly puts it…

Has Loss Left You Feeling Suicidal?

By Liz Cowen Furman

Over two years of research went into planning and writing a book about how to plan a funeral. During that time several folks I loved died, one dear friend was even murdered. All of this trauma left me feeling destroyed. But several books I read while doing my research encouraged me through my darkest times and I wanted to suggest them to you, especially if you are feeling suicidal.

I’ve included each book with a link and you may want to check to see if any of these are available at your local library.

Devotions for the Brokenhearted, by Robin Prince Monroe (2006, Tate).  This amazing book helped me so much. If your pain is fresh, and even if it isn’t, this is a must-read for anyone experiencing the pain of a loss.

 

 

Loss of a Loved One (In This Very Hour) by Robin Prince Monroe (1994, Broadman Holman). This short book is honest, compassionate and easy to read. Very helpful.

 

 

 

If God is so Good, Why Do I Hurt So Bad? by David Biebel (1989, Baker Publishing Group, Michigan.) This is his finest book on grief. Honest and candid, Mr. Biebel hits the nail on the head. A must read for anyone struggling through a loss.

 

 

The Twenty-Third Psalm for the Brokenhearted by Carmen Leal (2005, AMG Publishers).  Comfort and peace, as promised by the author of both.

 

 

 

Here’s what GOD says to His followers:

Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10  

We can take that promise to the spiritual bank, just ask Him, He will help you through.