Please don’t give up, even if your spouse left you. Thinking, ‘I don’t want to live anymore’? There is hope, even in a broken marriage.
Linda Rooks, author of Broken Heart on Hold: Surviving Separation shares thoughts on remaining hopeful:
By Linda Rooks:
“She left me.”
I have heard that over and over from those attending our classes and in e-mails I receive.
A spouse walks out the door saying these words, and the one left behind feels like life has no more meaning, sometimes even thinking ‘I don’t want to live anymore‘.
Due to shock, rejection and all the accompanying emotions, the abandoned spouse’s mind spins in all different directions, collecting memories and fears that spiral him or her down into an abyss of depression. Sometimes when that person hits bottom, they haven’t the will to crawl out. Everything seems hopeless.
As devastating as this feels, however, it may not be the end of the relationship, but a detour.
If this is where you are right now, this may be a time to get away so you can reassess your life and make adjustments.
Along with giving your spouse space and allowing things to unfold at an unhurried pace; along with realizing feelings can change and finding encouraging friends (see my other post, He Doesn’t Love Me Anymore, I Want to Die) the following approaches might lead you toward healing and restoration. A reconciled marriage can’t be guaranteed, of course, but the following can build bridges to hope:
- Keep your sanity by putting your spouse “on the back burner” and focusing on God. Otherwise, the default mode is to become obsessed with your situation and your spouse. Spend time reading the Bible, attend church and local Bible studies, listen to radio and television teachers, listen to Christian praise CDs, and read Christian books.
- Humbly seek God’s direction. Let Him show you any changes He wants you to make that will fulfill you as a person and perhaps bring peace and healing to your marriage as well. Each partner in a marriage brings weaknesses as well as strengths to the relationship. Pray and ask God to reveal what you can do to become more the person God wants you to be. Try to identify in yourself habits, reactions, or behaviors that may be a hindrance to a good marital relationship.
- Take time to nurture yourself. The stress in your relationship in recent times may have caused you to neglect yourself. Rekindle some of those interests you may have put aside. Just make sure they are legal, moral and not too expensive.
- After giving your spouse space for a while, each time you have contact try to focus on something to appreciate about him/her—and say it. This may seem difficult, but if you can humbly and sincerely begin to look for the positive, you may set a tone that leads to healing.
- Pray for your spouse, your marriage, and yourself. Seek God’s wisdom. God sees the whole picture, not just the small part that you can see right now. He can guide you into a future that will unfold blessings you can only dream of now.
Don’t let your husband or wife define who you are. God created you and loves you. He has a plan for you and He will guide you through this time.
If your spouse said, “I don’t love you anymore” and you are still thinking ‘I don’t want to live anymore’, watch the following video. There is hope. Feelings can change, and if you give God time, He can bring healing to your life.