Thinking ‘How Do I Commit Suicide?’ But DO Want Life–Without Heartbreak?

By Janet Perez Eckles:

Are you thinking, ‘How do I commit suicide?’ simply because it’s hard for you to imagine a future without  the heartbreak you feel right now?


Those were thoughts Sandy had.

Her husband walked in one night and said he found the woman of his dreams. No warning before dropping that bomb in her heart. No clue he had been unhappy. No idea he could ever betray her.

“Maybe I could understand if he seemed unhappy,” she sobbed, “but he never showed any signs. How stupid I had been.”

I was there, in her shoes and shedding those same tears. Life crumbles, dreams shatter and the future seems to end.

Sandy thought about ending it. Ending her anguish and ending the heartache she couldn’t mend.  She even thought, “How Do I Commit Suicide?” Yet she really did want to live, just not in pain.

That was the real torment. Her days were dark, but she still longed to restore her marriage. She longed to live for that hope.

Sandy and I had the same situation. We both wanted to live. It was the heartache we wanted to end. But God came into her life and mine. His power that pierced through the anguish—how could you end your life, when I have the beginning of a new one? The life that shines with meaning, confidence and security.

I had dried my last tear. Gave my last sob and chose to believe.

My husband had betrayed me, but God was faithful. My husband had taken his love somewhere else. But God poured his love to soothe my wounds.

The question changed: How can one commit suicide when the healing is in God’s hands, and the future clearly etched in His plans?

I trusted, and no matter what disappointments, big or small, I will look up and repeat over and over again: I want to live because tomorrow is in His hands. I will receive the richness of His love and exchange my pain for joy. Nights will bring back sleep because He’s by my side. I will overcome because He said I could. And He will heal me because He promised He would.

Are you one who is thinking ‘How do I commit suicide’, yet deep in your broken heart simply want to live without pain?  Find out more about God, the master healer of broken hearts, at

Also read more stories of hope here at our Thinking About Suicide site by clicking on our categories or using our Search box. Do you know that Janet, the author of this article, not only lost her sight, but also lost a son to murder? There truly is hope in all terrible circumstances.