Finding Hope after Male Sexual Abuse

By Laurie Winslow Sargent:

 Cecil Murphey: “I’m a survivor of sexual abuse. As a child, I kept quiet; as an adult, I “forgot.” When I felt safe, I faced my abuse and talked about it. The more open I am in sharing my pain and recovery, the more healed I become.”


These personal words come from Cecil Murphey, also known as ‘Cec': best known as a New York Times’ bestselling author and international speaker, with 100+ books including 90 Minutes in Heaven (with Don Piper) and Gifted Hands: The Ben Carson Story (with Dr. Ben Carson).

Now Cecil is helping men (and their families) deal with the pain of past sexual abuse.

Cec’s own abuse led to suicidal thinking at age twelve. (See his video interview, below.) However, it wasn’t until age 51, when his memories of abuse began to return to him in full force, he felt he could begin to deal with those memories with God’s help and the help of loved ones, including his wife.

Thankfully he did not follow through with those suicidal thoughts, as his words have blessed countless readers and writers for many years. He now brings healing and hope to male sexual abuse survivors and the spouses who want to emotionally support them.

As Cecil realized in recent years that his own past abuse–and the topic in general–should be addressed, he wrote: When a Man You Love Was Abused: A Woman’s Guide to Helping Him Overcome Childhood Sexual Molestation.

Cec has a blog for men who struggle with past abuse, called Shattering the Silence.  He is also a guest blogger for the Joyful Heart Foundation website founded by Mariska Hargitay (actress playing Detective Olivia Benson on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit).  A recent post of his there is: Why am I Still Not Healed?

In the video below, Cec discuss how his abuse affected him as an adult, including feelings of shame and self-blame, and his journey to healing:

Do pay attention to his final words:

“If you are a man and you were abused, remember this: you are not bad. Something bad, something terrible was done to you. It totally distorted your life. However I hope you would see that God loves you just as you are. You may not be able to talk about it, but it’s so important for you to break the silence. Find someone to trust. Find someone to whom you can talk and begin to open the door.”

If you or a loved one are struggling from the effects of male sexual abuse, DO visit Shattering the Silence at

When a Man You Love was Abused – Cecil Murphey

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If depressed and suicidal, get help by dialing the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), a free, 24-hour hotline. IF IN IMMEDIATE DANGER of harming yourself or someone else, please call 911.1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or (in Spanish)
1-877-SUICIDA (1-877-784-2432).
Our blog, Thinking About Suicide, offers personal stories and prayers from those who have overcome the urge to commit suicide or lost someone to suicide. We also list resources related to depression, bullying, cutting and other mental health related topics or news.
Use our SEARCH box at the top of the page to find articles on specific topics. Our authors hope to encourage you and remind you that others in situations like yours have found hope and help. We hope and pray you do too. However, we also encourage you to get local help if you are suicidal: call a counselor or the suicide prevention hotline to connect personally with someone who can help you.


  1. Laurie,
    I could have spent thousands of dollars to buy an ad to reach out to the abused, but it wouldn’t have been more effective (and probably less so) than your blog.
    After I read it, I tried to think of some powerful way to tell you how much I appreciate the service you’ve done with this blog entry.
    I finally came to the conclusion that I can write only these two words: Thank you.
    As simple (and overused) as they are, I hope you can sense the depth of my gratitude and sincerity in writing them.

  2. Well this isn’t helping an atheist -atheist commits suicide-

  3. Kylie,
    I’m not sure how to respond to your comment. You must be in an immense amount of pain.

    Can you say a little more?


    • What i’m saying is if an atheist or any other religion that doesn’t believe in this god reads this,it isn’t really going to stop them it could probably make them think Oh well since I don’t believe in this I should just rid of myself,in fact the sexual abuse might be what caused them to not believe in this god anymore.

      • Hi Kylie, I understand that not everyone believes the same as we do, but as a hypothetical exericise, let’s say that what we are saying is truth. If this truth could set people free from their dark suicidal thoughts and give them a hope and a future, then why not share it?

        That’s exactly what we believe and why we are shining a light into the darkness, so that those who will, will recognize they cannot only choose life, but that they can choose it abundantly. (That’s what I did.)

        We love to share this good news. And those who will can receive it then – despite their heartaches – find real joy. (I did that too.)

        So, if that’s what we believe, it would be wrong not to share our hope with others. Besides, we’re not forcing our belief on anyone, just making it available as an alternitve to despair and death. We do this because we care!

        To see more about what we believe, take the test at:


  4. Kylie,
    if I do understand your concern, your point is that God doesn’t protect kids from sexual abuse, so why believe in a such a God?
    It’s a good question and I don’t know the answer.
    However, I know that God never promises to stop us from having pain, hardship, or disappointment. God does promise to be with us in the midst of our struggles.
    I like to say it this way: I serve a God of presence and not of protection. All humanity suffers, and it’s part of life. My God is with me (present) during my struggles. For me, the great joy in life is not to live without hardships, but to live beyond the hardships—to know that I have spiritual resources that take me through the dark, evil places.

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