Help Me Cope: My Best Friend Killed Himself

I am so sorry to hear that your best friend killed himself. Losing a friend to suicide is probably one of the most difficult things a person can go through.
This kind of grief is intense and can leave you feeling guilty and wondering what you could have done to stop your friend’s death.  Plus, it’s hard to stop thinking about your loss or to stop blaming yourself that this even happened.

 

 My Best Friend Killed Himself: Now What?

Here are some ideas to help you cope:

  1. Ask God to carry your pain, grief and even your feelings of guilt.
  2. Write down your feelings and memories about your friend in a special notebook, but don’t spend more than 15 minutes a day on this task.  It’s good to vent and express yourself, but if you spend too much time thinking about your loss, it may cause your feelings of grief to worsen. So try to find a good balance.
  3. Talk to a counselor and other adults about your feelings.
  4. Try to understand, then believe, that this really wasn’t your fault.  It wasn’t.
For help with guilt in survivors after suicide of a loved one, click here to read this free online book (PDF format):  SOS: A Handbook for Survivors of Suicide, by Jeffrey Jackson at suicidology.org. Here is an excerpt:
“Talking through your feelings and fears is essential for recovery from your trauma.Unfortunately, while your closest supporters may be willing to listen and share with you for a few weeks or months, there’s likely to come a time when their thoughts move on from the suicide while yours are still racing. This is why support groups are so valuable. Fellow survivors understand what you’re feeling in a way that even your closest friends cannot. Your fellow group members will never grow weary of offering supportive words and sympathetic ears.”

The author also offers this link through which you may find a local support group: Find a Suicide Bereavement Support Group at afsp.org (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention).

One day your pain will lessen, but even when that day comes, your friend will always live in your heart.

To read a letter that one mom wrote to her son who committed suicide, click this link: Suicide is NOT the Final Solution.
If you are hurting and you need to talk to someone, call a suicide hotline.
Here’s the story of how one teen coped with her loss when her best friend killed himself.
You may also find help from another one of our articles by clicking on this link:  The Effect Suicide Has On Loved Ones.

 

Stopping Fear Syndrome

By Pat Ennis:

Fear is defined as “a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined.”( Random House Webster’s College Dictionary, 2nd ed.)

We live in a fear dominated world—serious illness, weight gain, financial reversal, old age, death, rejection, and fear of man are all categories of fear that cause a focus away from God and toward circumstances.

Fear is real and it is not always negative—when you sense danger, fear usually stimulates you to fight or flee.  However, often the consequences are not positive—for example, fear can . . .

  • Hinder your relationship with others.
  • Stifle your ability to think rationally.
  • Rob you of joy.
  • Injure your relationship with God.
  • Create inner turmoil that can eventually lead to thoughts of suicide.

Since the presence of fear produces such detrimental results, it seems reasonable to locate an antidote to it. Scripture teaches that God’s Word is sufficient to override your fears.

  • The natural reaction to fear is panic. The antidote is to replace potential fear with trust in God (Psalm 56:3-4, 11).
  • Since God comforts you, why should you be afraid (Isaiah 51: 12-16)?
  • You can be content in every circumstance because God has promised to never leave or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5-6).

As you meditate upon the reality that Scripture constantly urges God’s children to trust rather than fear, consider this account that was shared by an African missionary about a herd of lions:

This particular story is about the old king.  You see a lion can only be the king as long as he is strong enough to hold his position— and there is always another lion trying to usurp it.  Usually by the time the old king is replaced he does not have any teeth and only a few claws.  His hair is matted, he has arthritis in the joints, and he no longer can fight to keep his position so a younger lion becomes the new king.

However, the old king is not entirely useless—he still has a role in the herd when the lions go on a hunt.  When the herd hunts, the old, mean-looking, ferocious lion stands on one side while the young hunter lions hide in the bushes on the opposite side.  When the prey appears, the former king looks at it and begins to roar; the roar scares the prey so badly that it runs to the opposite side—right into the waiting jaws of the hunter lions that attack and destroy it.  If the prey had run toward the roar, more than likely it would have been safe, since all the old lion had left was his roar.

The only positive fear recorded in scripture is the fear of God.  This fear is a reverence of God’s majesty, power, and greatness.  When you choose to “run to the roar” you will most likely find the influence of the fear dissolving.

Why Should I Live?

Feeling sad, like there’s no hope for your life or future and you’re even  wondering, “Why should I live?”

One teen, Cassie, felt that way too.  Her mother had already committed suicide and Cassie herself was addicted to drugs.

Cassie has put on her frownie face, and wants to tell you  her story in the video below, which you may have to click through to YouTube to watch.  But when you’re done, please return because there’s another video you’ll want you to see in response to what Cassie shared.

 

Cassie is  not the only teen who wondered why should I live?  So did Tatum who responded with a video of her own:
If you are wondering if God really loves you or how to reach out to  God, please take our test, click HERE.
If you need to talk to someone about why you should live, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

 

Psalm 55:22 Cast your burden on the LORD, And He shall sustain you.
To see more scriptures on encouragement, click HERE.

Blindness and Thoughts of Suicide

By Janet Perez Eckles

He turns your thoughts of suicide to a song.

“I hate my life,” I cried out to God.“ I sobbed. “I don’t deserve to be blind. Why me?”

My clamors to God filled my sleepless nights. I was only 31; my sons at the time were 3, 5 and 7. They needed me and I needed someone to help me deal with my intense fear and anguish.

Doctors didn’t have a cure, treatments didn’t work, and even those painful acupuncture needles around my eyes didn’t help. I was desperate and would tried anything so I could to regain my eyesight.

“Are you okay, honey?” my mom asked.

“I’m fine,” I lied. The retinal disease I inherited from my father wasn’t anyone’s fault. But accepting my blindness was beyond me.

Some have thoughts of suicide, others turn angry and I was sinking in self-pity.

Then a friend invited me to her Christian church. I heaved a long sigh of hope. And thought I’d try to see if that secret miracle I longed for would be waiting for me there. But sadly, there was no miracle, no healing. But one day, unexpectedly, like a warm injection to my soul, a verse filled me:

 “Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew 6:33.

I committed to make Him first. Regaining my sight came second. I drew closer to Him, and farther from my pain. My despair subsided. I believed in that promise. I put aside my anguish and invited His strength.

Eventually, step by step he changed those thoughts of suicide I could’ve had to a song as you can see in the YouTube video below:

My new song plays a melody of hope, a marked beat of His reassurance and, a symphony   of joy for my soul.

Has Loss Left You Feeling Suicidal?

By Liz Cowen Furman

Over two years of research went into planning and writing a book about how to plan a funeral. During that time several folks I loved died, one dear friend was even murdered. All of this trauma left me feeling destroyed. But several books I read while doing my research encouraged me through my darkest times and I wanted to suggest them to you, especially if you are feeling suicidal.

I’ve included each book with a link and you may want to check to see if any of these are available at your local library.

Devotions for the Brokenhearted, by Robin Prince Monroe (2006, Tate).  This amazing book helped me so much. If your pain is fresh, and even if it isn’t, this is a must-read for anyone experiencing the pain of a loss.

 

 

Loss of a Loved One (In This Very Hour) by Robin Prince Monroe (1994, Broadman Holman). This short book is honest, compassionate and easy to read. Very helpful.

 

 

 

If God is so Good, Why Do I Hurt So Bad? by David Biebel (1989, Baker Publishing Group, Michigan.) This is his finest book on grief. Honest and candid, Mr. Biebel hits the nail on the head. A must read for anyone struggling through a loss.

 

 

The Twenty-Third Psalm for the Brokenhearted by Carmen Leal (2005, AMG Publishers).  Comfort and peace, as promised by the author of both.

 

 

 

Here’s what GOD says to His followers:

Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10  

We can take that promise to the spiritual bank, just ask Him, He will help you through.

The Effect Suicide Has On Loved Ones

By Susan Titus Osborn:

Rosen Georgiev / FreeDigitalPhotos.netIf you are depressed and considering taking your own life, please stop for a moment and think of the effect suicide has on loved ones, your loved ones, who are left behind.

The following poem, To Our Sister by Gary Sumner, sums up the feelings of a brother and the effect his sister’s suicide had on him.

We hate that thing you did.

It did not solve one thing.

We doubt you thought it through.

How could you plan such pain?

 

Your life was not just yours—

A part of it was ours.

The ones you left behind

Cruel emptiness now know.

 

We’d plans and hopes and dreams

Of times with you, dear one.

Events need not be grand—

Your presence was enough.

 

A future filled with joy

And days of happiness,

With loved ones all around

Were always wished for you.

 

Now do you hear the tears,

That come to us unbidden?

We ache to think of such

A future swept away.

 

This poem was taken from Too Soon to Say Goodbye: Healing and Hope for Suicide Victims and Survivors and used with permission by New Hope Publishers.

If you are depressed and contemplating suicide, there aren’t number of resources available as near as your telephone. You can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), a free, 24-hour hotline available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. Your call will be routed to the nearest crisis center to you.

You can also dial the following National Suicide Prevention Hotline numbers operated by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration of the Department of Health and Human Services:

1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)

1-888-SUICIDE (1-888-784-2433)

1-877-SUICIDA (1-877-784-2432) (Spanish).

Here’s a video that takes a look at the heartbreaking effect suicide has on loved ones.

 

Susan Titus Osborn is the director of the Christian Communicator Manuscript Critique Service. She has authored 30 books, her latest being Wounded by Words and Too Soon to Say Goodbye: Healing and Hope for Suicide Victims and Survivors, co-authored by Jeenie Gordon and Karen Kosman. Books may be ordered from New Hope Publishers.